Seasons in the sun
May. 9th, 2014 10:50 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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krystalkatzficzTitle: Seasons in the Sun
Author: krystalkatz
rating: PG
Length: One Shot
Genre: AU, Angst
Pairings: Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Disclaimer: I only own the plot, prequel to ‘Two outta three ain’t bad’ and ‘Forever Autumn’,
Title from Terry Jacks, Seasons in the Sun
“Jun…” Ohno Satoshi said with a smile as he looked up and saw his long-time friend coming towards him. He had been friends with Jun since before he had met his boyfriend, they had played together and grown up together and a small part of him was jealous that Jun would be moving on more than he could. He had accepted his fate but it didn’t make it any easier to handle and he couldn’t help but see people of his age happily going to college and on dates and envying them, wishing that he could do that with Nino.
“Hey, Sato…You’re looking…Well…” Jun said only just stammering over the term ‘well’ and Ohno didn’t even lose his smile. He knew that it was a lie, he could feel how well he was after all and he could feel that he was getting weaker, but he wasn’t going to make his friend uncomfortable by calling him up on it. “Where’s your shadow?” His friend asked sitting down beside him and looking around.
“Nino…He’s gone to the shop…” Ohno answered wishing that his friend and his lover would get on but it was another thing that he knew better than to try and force. Ever since they had met each other it had been a case of cat and dog and he was too tired to play peace keeper any more. “I wanted to talk to you…”
“I guessed that when you called…” Jun murmured his voice barely even a whisper and Ohno reached over and squeezed his hand tightly “You’re getting weaker again aren’t you?”
“…Yes, the hospital told me that the respite would be only temporary and that it would come back again…” Ohno sighed and Jun’s hand got tighter on his until he seemed to realise what he was doing and he relaxed his grip asking gently;
“And…Does Nino know?”
“…He does but he doesn’t want to admit it…Not yet…” Ohno sighed thinking about his lover and his denial, when he had found out he had tried to push Nino away not wanting him to have to stay around and cope with everything but he was glad that he hadn’t been able to get rid of him, those early days he wouldn’t have been able to cope without Nino telling him that everything was going to be okay even when they both knew in their hearts that it wasn’t. He shook his head dislodging the thoughts of Nino and concentrating on his friend “I don’t want you to come to the hospital when I go back…”
“What? Why?” Jun spluttered with almost anger in his voice and Ohno smiled squeezing his hand again and letting out a sigh. When he went back there would be no coming back no ‘Good days’ he was just going to get worse and worse until it was over and he didn’t want that image to be the last one his friend had of him.
“Because I don’t want you to remember me like that…That’s why I told you to come here…This was where we met…” Ohno reminded him looking around at the garden his eyes on the old swing that was still there sticking out of the snow covered grass rusty now but ready for when his sister had children.
“I remember…I asked if I could play on your swing…We've been friends since…” Jun nodded his voice croaking almost like a frog as his eyes welled up with tears. Ohno’s smile slipped away the words that he had practiced over and over in his mind sticking in his throat and it took a great effort to get them out.
“This was where we said hello so this was where I wanted to say goodbye…”
“Satoshi…” Jun whispered and Ohno shook his head motioning for him to be quiet needing to get the rest of his speech out before the words got stuck in his throat again. Jun fell into silence and Ohno took a deep breath keeping his voice level and telling him quickly;
“…I won’t be able to be your best man like I promised when we were ten but when you find a nice girl and get married, I’ll be there at your wedding okay?”
Jun just stared at him in a long silence tears rolling down his cheeks before he sniffed loudly and nodded with his best smile;
“…Okay…”
“Good…Ah…This is hard ne…” He sighed getting up and moving away from him his fingers scratching at the back of his head under his hat as he walked over to the swing “Do you remember trying to go over the top?”
“Yeah you almost managed it…” Jun nodded quickly wiping his eyes with the heel of his hand getting to his feet and walking through the snow. Ohno grinned wiping away the collection of snow from the seat and sitting down.
“I think that I could really do it now…” He said kicking off with his feet and swinging out his legs watching as his feet kicked up tuffs of snow and scattering it around again. It probably was the greatest goodbye but it was the kind that he wanted.
*~*~*~**~*~*
Ohno coughed clutching at his chest with his fingers breathing through his nose as he tried desperately to calm his heart down. His head was light and there were black spots dancing in front of his eyes. Struggling to stand up straight he took a step and almost fell forward as his legs gave out from under him.
“I’ve got you son” His father said his arm wrapping around his waist supporting him with all of his strength and leading him to the living room. “I taught you to walk doing this…” He said and Ohno let out a noise to show that he was listening not having enough oxygen in his lungs to form a full sentence. He hated being this weak in front of his father but his body was shutting down he could feel it, slowly day by day he was getting weaker again as the cancer once again took hold, even Nino was noticing it now and was no longer able to live in the happy little bubble of ignorance. He could see that it was upsetting him but as always his lover refused to give up on him and was insisting on staying by his side. “…I think that you should go back to the hospital soon, son”
“Not yet…” Ohno gasped sucking in a deep breath as he sat down on the sofa “Just a little longer…I want to see spring…”
“Ah…It will be a good one ne…” His father said sitting down beside him a lapsing into silence again as Ohno gave a nod and a smile his heart and lungs thankfully calming down again.
“I haven’t been the best son, ne? I never did what you wanted…” He said after the silence had stretched on for what felt like an eternity and he felt his father tense up beside him and his head snapped around.
“You were a good son…Are…And I’m proud of you…”
“Thank-you…But…I know that I’ve caused you trouble…I wish that I could go back and change that…Or say that I will be better in future…” Ohno said with feeling and he was surprised when his father’s arm wrapped around him crushing him in a hug his lips finding their way to the top his head as he shook his head.
“…You were happy doing what you did…No parent has the right to ask anything more from their children…I just wish that you could have had more time…”
“…I would have married Kazu…If it was possible…And we would have been as happy as you and mum…”
“…And I would have made the speech at your wedding…” His father said and Ohno nodded with a smile recognising that his father had truly accepted his relationship with Nino even though it had been a little sticky at the start. “It would have been a magnificent wedding…Your mother would have let it be anything less…There would have been a huge cake decorated with flowers…Just like she wanted on our wedding…”
“Kazu would have been embarrassed…” Ohno chuckled easily picturing that, Nino would have gotten very embarrassed that people were making such a fuss but he would have pretended that he enjoyed it.
“And you would have cried…” His dad laughed nudging his arm and Ohno nodded swallowing down tears that were forming now as he admitted in a whisper;
“I’m scared…I don’t want to die…”
“…I don’t want you to…Nobody should be forced to say goodbye to their child…” The older man breathed deeply the arm that was holding him tightly getting stronger as Ohno finally let the tears fall and land onto the man’s shirt as he asked needlessly, but wanting to hear the answer;
“You will be there…At the end?”
“Of course…So we’ll say goodbye then…”
*~*~*~*~*~*
Ohno lay beside his lover his eyes fixed on his face as he tried desperately to take in every single detail from the moles to the way that his eyelashes crisscrossed. Nino was laid on his front with his face to him and his arms wrapped around his pillow. He looked so young in sleep with the harsh lines of worry gone from his eyes and brow and Ohno thought that he was a very lucky man to have him next to him like this. Nino had given him his everything which was amazing considering they had only been dating for six months before he had found out about the cancer. He would have expected the younger man to leave him, to not want to deal with that but he hadn’t and now almost two years later it was him that was going to have to let go first and for good.
It was the hardest goodbye he was going to give and his heart was selfishly telling him that he couldn’t do it, that he wanted Nino to be there with him until the very end but his mind was telling him that that wasn’t possible. Just like Jun he wanted to make sure that Nino had the best impression of him possible it was why he had gathered all of his strength and had made love to him slowly giving him a better time than their fumbled tearful coupling in the hospital. There had still been tears but not as many which was strange as he knew that they both knew that this would be their last time.
“You have been incredible, Kazu…I have loved every single moment that I have gotten to share with you…” He whispered into the dark his fingers moving up and down the exposed arm causing his younger lover’s face to scrunch up and a moan to escape from his mouth as he rolled around a little in the confines of the bed. “I’m convinced that I was only able to hang on as long as I have because you were there beside me, encouraging me helping me stay focused…You have been the only bright point in my life…Like my very own personal sun…”
“Un…Oh-chan…” Nino breathed sleepily and Ohno fell silent his heart hammering against his ribs hoping and praying that he would stay asleep knowing that he wouldn’t be able to get what he wanted and do what he needed if Nino was awake. Thankfully, after rolling onto his side and shuffling closer to him, he settled down again his head resting on his chest.
“Kazu…I know that you don’t believe me but…One day you will find somebody else, somebody that will treasure you the way that you deserve and will be able to love you properly…I will be jealous of that person but I’ll be happy for you…” Ohno told his sleeping lover honestly his hand stroking up and down the centre of his back while tears rolled down his cheeks “I wish it was me…I wanted it to be me…I wanted to be able to grow old with you…But maybe next time…I have to go now…” His voice came out like a sob as he very gently placed a kiss onto his lover’s forehead before carefully getting out of the bed. Nino stayed asleep as he got up and he put on his clothes. He made it half way out of the door before turning back and looking at the figure asleep in the bed and whispering “Be happy Kazu…I know I have never said it before but I love you…Goodbye…”
The End
A/N: And this is the second to last part of this very, very depressing series…I’m sorry that my mind is so horrible >.<
Author: krystalkatz
rating: PG
Length: One Shot
Genre: AU, Angst
Pairings: Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Disclaimer: I only own the plot, prequel to ‘Two outta three ain’t bad’ and ‘Forever Autumn’,
Title from Terry Jacks, Seasons in the Sun
“Jun…” Ohno Satoshi said with a smile as he looked up and saw his long-time friend coming towards him. He had been friends with Jun since before he had met his boyfriend, they had played together and grown up together and a small part of him was jealous that Jun would be moving on more than he could. He had accepted his fate but it didn’t make it any easier to handle and he couldn’t help but see people of his age happily going to college and on dates and envying them, wishing that he could do that with Nino.
“Hey, Sato…You’re looking…Well…” Jun said only just stammering over the term ‘well’ and Ohno didn’t even lose his smile. He knew that it was a lie, he could feel how well he was after all and he could feel that he was getting weaker, but he wasn’t going to make his friend uncomfortable by calling him up on it. “Where’s your shadow?” His friend asked sitting down beside him and looking around.
“Nino…He’s gone to the shop…” Ohno answered wishing that his friend and his lover would get on but it was another thing that he knew better than to try and force. Ever since they had met each other it had been a case of cat and dog and he was too tired to play peace keeper any more. “I wanted to talk to you…”
“I guessed that when you called…” Jun murmured his voice barely even a whisper and Ohno reached over and squeezed his hand tightly “You’re getting weaker again aren’t you?”
“…Yes, the hospital told me that the respite would be only temporary and that it would come back again…” Ohno sighed and Jun’s hand got tighter on his until he seemed to realise what he was doing and he relaxed his grip asking gently;
“And…Does Nino know?”
“…He does but he doesn’t want to admit it…Not yet…” Ohno sighed thinking about his lover and his denial, when he had found out he had tried to push Nino away not wanting him to have to stay around and cope with everything but he was glad that he hadn’t been able to get rid of him, those early days he wouldn’t have been able to cope without Nino telling him that everything was going to be okay even when they both knew in their hearts that it wasn’t. He shook his head dislodging the thoughts of Nino and concentrating on his friend “I don’t want you to come to the hospital when I go back…”
“What? Why?” Jun spluttered with almost anger in his voice and Ohno smiled squeezing his hand again and letting out a sigh. When he went back there would be no coming back no ‘Good days’ he was just going to get worse and worse until it was over and he didn’t want that image to be the last one his friend had of him.
“Because I don’t want you to remember me like that…That’s why I told you to come here…This was where we met…” Ohno reminded him looking around at the garden his eyes on the old swing that was still there sticking out of the snow covered grass rusty now but ready for when his sister had children.
“I remember…I asked if I could play on your swing…We've been friends since…” Jun nodded his voice croaking almost like a frog as his eyes welled up with tears. Ohno’s smile slipped away the words that he had practiced over and over in his mind sticking in his throat and it took a great effort to get them out.
“This was where we said hello so this was where I wanted to say goodbye…”
“Satoshi…” Jun whispered and Ohno shook his head motioning for him to be quiet needing to get the rest of his speech out before the words got stuck in his throat again. Jun fell into silence and Ohno took a deep breath keeping his voice level and telling him quickly;
“…I won’t be able to be your best man like I promised when we were ten but when you find a nice girl and get married, I’ll be there at your wedding okay?”
Jun just stared at him in a long silence tears rolling down his cheeks before he sniffed loudly and nodded with his best smile;
“…Okay…”
“Good…Ah…This is hard ne…” He sighed getting up and moving away from him his fingers scratching at the back of his head under his hat as he walked over to the swing “Do you remember trying to go over the top?”
“Yeah you almost managed it…” Jun nodded quickly wiping his eyes with the heel of his hand getting to his feet and walking through the snow. Ohno grinned wiping away the collection of snow from the seat and sitting down.
“I think that I could really do it now…” He said kicking off with his feet and swinging out his legs watching as his feet kicked up tuffs of snow and scattering it around again. It probably was the greatest goodbye but it was the kind that he wanted.
*~*~*~**~*~*
Ohno coughed clutching at his chest with his fingers breathing through his nose as he tried desperately to calm his heart down. His head was light and there were black spots dancing in front of his eyes. Struggling to stand up straight he took a step and almost fell forward as his legs gave out from under him.
“I’ve got you son” His father said his arm wrapping around his waist supporting him with all of his strength and leading him to the living room. “I taught you to walk doing this…” He said and Ohno let out a noise to show that he was listening not having enough oxygen in his lungs to form a full sentence. He hated being this weak in front of his father but his body was shutting down he could feel it, slowly day by day he was getting weaker again as the cancer once again took hold, even Nino was noticing it now and was no longer able to live in the happy little bubble of ignorance. He could see that it was upsetting him but as always his lover refused to give up on him and was insisting on staying by his side. “…I think that you should go back to the hospital soon, son”
“Not yet…” Ohno gasped sucking in a deep breath as he sat down on the sofa “Just a little longer…I want to see spring…”
“Ah…It will be a good one ne…” His father said sitting down beside him a lapsing into silence again as Ohno gave a nod and a smile his heart and lungs thankfully calming down again.
“I haven’t been the best son, ne? I never did what you wanted…” He said after the silence had stretched on for what felt like an eternity and he felt his father tense up beside him and his head snapped around.
“You were a good son…Are…And I’m proud of you…”
“Thank-you…But…I know that I’ve caused you trouble…I wish that I could go back and change that…Or say that I will be better in future…” Ohno said with feeling and he was surprised when his father’s arm wrapped around him crushing him in a hug his lips finding their way to the top his head as he shook his head.
“…You were happy doing what you did…No parent has the right to ask anything more from their children…I just wish that you could have had more time…”
“…I would have married Kazu…If it was possible…And we would have been as happy as you and mum…”
“…And I would have made the speech at your wedding…” His father said and Ohno nodded with a smile recognising that his father had truly accepted his relationship with Nino even though it had been a little sticky at the start. “It would have been a magnificent wedding…Your mother would have let it be anything less…There would have been a huge cake decorated with flowers…Just like she wanted on our wedding…”
“Kazu would have been embarrassed…” Ohno chuckled easily picturing that, Nino would have gotten very embarrassed that people were making such a fuss but he would have pretended that he enjoyed it.
“And you would have cried…” His dad laughed nudging his arm and Ohno nodded swallowing down tears that were forming now as he admitted in a whisper;
“I’m scared…I don’t want to die…”
“…I don’t want you to…Nobody should be forced to say goodbye to their child…” The older man breathed deeply the arm that was holding him tightly getting stronger as Ohno finally let the tears fall and land onto the man’s shirt as he asked needlessly, but wanting to hear the answer;
“You will be there…At the end?”
“Of course…So we’ll say goodbye then…”
*~*~*~*~*~*
Ohno lay beside his lover his eyes fixed on his face as he tried desperately to take in every single detail from the moles to the way that his eyelashes crisscrossed. Nino was laid on his front with his face to him and his arms wrapped around his pillow. He looked so young in sleep with the harsh lines of worry gone from his eyes and brow and Ohno thought that he was a very lucky man to have him next to him like this. Nino had given him his everything which was amazing considering they had only been dating for six months before he had found out about the cancer. He would have expected the younger man to leave him, to not want to deal with that but he hadn’t and now almost two years later it was him that was going to have to let go first and for good.
It was the hardest goodbye he was going to give and his heart was selfishly telling him that he couldn’t do it, that he wanted Nino to be there with him until the very end but his mind was telling him that that wasn’t possible. Just like Jun he wanted to make sure that Nino had the best impression of him possible it was why he had gathered all of his strength and had made love to him slowly giving him a better time than their fumbled tearful coupling in the hospital. There had still been tears but not as many which was strange as he knew that they both knew that this would be their last time.
“You have been incredible, Kazu…I have loved every single moment that I have gotten to share with you…” He whispered into the dark his fingers moving up and down the exposed arm causing his younger lover’s face to scrunch up and a moan to escape from his mouth as he rolled around a little in the confines of the bed. “I’m convinced that I was only able to hang on as long as I have because you were there beside me, encouraging me helping me stay focused…You have been the only bright point in my life…Like my very own personal sun…”
“Un…Oh-chan…” Nino breathed sleepily and Ohno fell silent his heart hammering against his ribs hoping and praying that he would stay asleep knowing that he wouldn’t be able to get what he wanted and do what he needed if Nino was awake. Thankfully, after rolling onto his side and shuffling closer to him, he settled down again his head resting on his chest.
“Kazu…I know that you don’t believe me but…One day you will find somebody else, somebody that will treasure you the way that you deserve and will be able to love you properly…I will be jealous of that person but I’ll be happy for you…” Ohno told his sleeping lover honestly his hand stroking up and down the centre of his back while tears rolled down his cheeks “I wish it was me…I wanted it to be me…I wanted to be able to grow old with you…But maybe next time…I have to go now…” His voice came out like a sob as he very gently placed a kiss onto his lover’s forehead before carefully getting out of the bed. Nino stayed asleep as he got up and he put on his clothes. He made it half way out of the door before turning back and looking at the figure asleep in the bed and whispering “Be happy Kazu…I know I have never said it before but I love you…Goodbye…”
The End
A/N: And this is the second to last part of this very, very depressing series…I’m sorry that my mind is so horrible >.<
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no subject
Date: 2014-05-09 10:26 am (UTC)The end.. I really hope Nino has heard this in his unconscious.. Because it's the key to his happiness, his release, although it hurts..
You are amazing Dear ! ;o;
XOXO *snort*
no subject
Date: 2014-05-09 11:04 am (UTC)It was so sweet and sad at the same time
And I love this song (my musicplayer just played this song as I was reading it and that even though I have it on random...)
I have written a story with this song beforehand in another fandom and now I'm thinking about that pairing... I'm very emotional in the moment
no subject
Date: 2014-05-09 11:18 am (UTC)So sad! Oh-chan!!
He tried to be strong, to not let his Kazu see how much it hurt and that he was afraid!
Poor Nino, that is why he said that he never hear him to say I love you!! Oh-chan just dissapear while he was sleeping!!!
I hope Nino had hear even if it is unconsciosly because that is what he needs to move on with Sho even if it will always hurt that does not mean he would forget or never love Oh-chan becuse he always will! :) :) :)
You are as always an amazing writter!!! I read and look forward to your post! sorry, sometimes RL gets in the way and I cannot comment but I will try! :-)
no subject
Date: 2014-05-09 11:52 am (UTC)You got me at the "I don't want to die" part. It must be really hard on him too...
While reading, I imagined if Ohno met a shinigami who told him that he's got 3 more days to live..
“I wish it was me…I wanted it to be me…I wanted to be able to grow old with you…But maybe next time…I have to go now…” ---> this part is really hard to read.
I hope that Nino heard what Ohno said at the end...
no subject
Date: 2014-05-09 01:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-09 03:07 pm (UTC)I believe Nino know that you love him tough you never said it in front of him.
Hope Nino can finally love Sho. Nino and Sho deserves to be happy :)
no subject
Date: 2014-05-09 03:08 pm (UTC)that all i can say.
thank you for your great story
no subject
Date: 2014-05-10 12:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-11 07:10 am (UTC)it's so sad. really T^T it got me teary Dx
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Date: 2014-05-12 01:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-29 10:25 am (UTC)