Our First Summer part six

[krystalkatz.livejournal.com]

“Kazu, why are you playing with that kid?” Ohno asked as they walked from the house following a well-trodden path that they had used since they were children. Nino gave a sigh fluffing up his hair no matter what lies he had told Jun to say to Masako he couldn’t bring himself to lie to Ohno. He glanced at his friend looking at his face and noticing that the space between them was huge now and all the earlier light and fire had left Nino’s face. It was painful but he was going to get over it. This time, this time he was going to be able to, he had to be this obsession that he had was going to end up killing him. He hummed for a long time slowly thinking over his answer before saying;

“Because...He wants to play...”

“Kazu you can’t just use him...” Ohno muttered sharply and Nino let out a bitter sounding laugh wondering at the irony of Ohno telling him that after everything that they had been through together and all the times he had been played with. Ever since yesterday he had been putting on an act in front of Masako pretending that everything was normal and fine between him and Ohno but it was a lie, things hadn’t been right between them for a while now.

“When are you telling Sho that he’s getting a new mother?” He asked changing the subject and watching the clouds gather on the rounded face and the way that the bottom lip trembled as Ohno tried to word an answer.

“...I thought sometime this week...” He answered softly after what felt like an age and Nino nodded looking down at the floor, watching an ant carrying a leaf while whishing he was unable to feel the pain that was cutting into his heart.

“Kazu...I want you to be happy you know that, right? I love you I always have...” Ohno told him and Nino felt hot painful tears stab at his eyes and cloud his vision blocking the ant from veiw.

“I know you do Oh-chan...I know...Every time you come to me when you’ve broken up with some girl, every time you wake up in the morning and say that it was just a mistake...And I pretend that it doesn’t matter because I love you and you love me...” Nino sighed and stopped walking before dropping down heavily onto a bench that over looked the ocean watching the way the sunlight played about on the water as he felt Ohno settle in beside him his arm pressing against his side. “But the truth is I don’t just love you I’m in love with you...”

“I know” Ohno sighed his voice barely audible and Nino rolled his eyes, of course he knew everyone knew he had never made a secret of how much he was in love with his sleepy best friend. Even when people had told him that it was crazy or gross, he hadn’t cared and neither had Ohno. Then again Ohno had his own secrets.

“I’ve been in love with you for most of my life...” He mumbled out twisting his fingers painfully thinking about it as he continued to watch the waves break against the golden sands of the beach. He had loved Ohno since he was 4 and Ohno was 8, when he thought about it, it paralleled Masako and Sho more than he would like, the only difference being Masako had the chance to be with the person that she loved and not just be a dirty little secret every time Ohno was drunk and hurting. 

“Kazu...I wish...” Ohno murmured so softly it was like the wind had sighed, it was stupid and Nino seethed quietly wondering how the hell Ohno thought that he had the right to sound so sad right now. He saw red and jumped up from the bench striding over to the edge of the hill and looking down over the side noting, for some unfathomable reason, that there had been a landslide recently and there was a lot of mud and stones on the sand. Blinking he turned and folded his arms over his chest glaring at the sad expression on Ohno’s face as he said in a quiet but angry voice;

“Wish what? That I was a girl...So that your parents would be okay with it? Or wish that you weren’t such a big fucking coward and would actually admit that you like fucking me...You like it when I touch you and call your name and that’s the only reason that you can’t fucking stand it that I’m flirting with J...”

“No... The reason that I’m acting like that is because he won’t make you happy Kazu, you’ll just end up hurting again...” Ohno tried and Nino let out a laugh not caring that there were tears on his cheek or that his voice was shaking when he muttered;

“How do you know?”

“What?” Ohno replied dumbly looking a little lost as he looked up and Nino laughed again giving a frantic almost desperate shrug as asking;

“How do you know that he won’t make me happy? I wasn’t planning on it being anything serious, just a few quick fucks but...You never know he could be the one...”

“Kazu...Please...” Ohno flinched visibly as he too got up from the bench and walked over to him pulling a handkerchief out of his pocket. Nino took a step away from him hissing like an angry cat as he rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand.

“You’re getting married again after all...I mean you even had the fucking nerve to ask me to be the best man...In front of your fiancée so I couldn’t say no...I couldn’t give a reason to say no...So am I meant to just keep waiting around for you and taking the scraps that you offer me when you feel like it?”

“Kazu...If you can’t handle being the best...”

“God you really have no fucking clue, do you? Of course, I can’t ‘Handle being the best man’. How the fuck do you think that I can handle standing there having to support you when you’re marrying some woman when I know...I’ve had your lips and hands all over my body? That I’ve felt you sliding in and out of me...”

“Kazu...Please...” Ohno muttered looking a painful mix of red and green as he looked around making sure that nobody had heard him and Nino gave a laugh that startled some birds making them rise and fly away into the perfectly blue sky.

“Oh god...Fuck this shit, I’m going to be your best man, Oh-chan I’ll stand there and smile in all your photo’s I’ll even make a speech about you telling me that this is the second happiest day of your life, the first being the day you met her...” Nino ranted softly his heart threatening to explode right through his chest as the tears fell thicker and heavier down his cheeks before he sagged, squatting on the floor and hugging his knees reining in his emotions to continue calmly in a controlled voice “But then that’s it...Finally its over between us...When your drunk and you’ve had an argument don’t come knocking on my door because I won’t answer...The kid might not be the answers to my somewhat perverse prayers but at least he’s gay and he admits it...”

“I’m not gay, Kazu, I never have been...It’s just that every now and then...”

“You want to fuck me and get it out of your system, I know, hell on some sick level I can even understand it...” Nino chuckled feeling empty inside like all of his emotions had been ripped out of his body and thrown to the four winds “That’s why when you come round you’re always so drunk that I’m amazed that you can get it up much less use it...But the fact is...If you keep getting it out of your system by using me I’m never going to get you out of mine...Anyway...I’ll see you later...”

“Where are you going?”

“I have a fuck date with a teenager...Jun should have gotten Masako and Sho out of the house by now.” Nino said standing up and brushing himself off as he gave a painfully tight smile as he turned to walk back to the house adding over his shoulder “...Do me a favour, if you care about me at all Oh-chan, don’t come back for about an hour and a half...”

TBC
A/N: Sorry that Ohno's character is still bad but I will make him better later...>.<