The Phone Call part thirty-two
Mar. 13th, 2015 10:52 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
krystalkatz.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
krystalkatzficzWarning; Self-Harm
Jun yawned rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand surprised to feel that the left side of his body wasn’t numb like it normally was and there was no head resting on his chest. He lifted his head and looked around surprised to see that his lover wasn’t in the bedroom with him. Yawning again he pushed himself into a seated position and headed out of the room cursing a little as he tried to warm his arms up from the cold. He didn’t have his glasses on so he stumbled around a little in the semi-darkness swearing as his big toe hit the corner of the room.
“Kazu?” He called out in a strangely quiet voice the sound sounding completely foreign in the stillness of the apartment. A noise from the bathroom drew his attention and he paused at the door wondering if his lover had simply been using the toilet. A few minutes went by but there was no sound of flushing so he placed a hand on the cold wood and pushed the door open with another whispered “Kazu?” Nino was standing in the middle of the bathroom, his eyes open but glassy and his mouth was slack. In his hand was a switchblade razor and on the opposite arm was were cuts that ranged from deep to shallow with deep red blood running down his arm. It only took a second for Jun to process the scene in front of him but it honestly felt like a lifetime before he had moved and was pulling the razor out of his hand. “Kazu…What the fuck?” He snapped at the blade fell to the floor. He stared into the pale face watching as the eyes came back into focus staring at him widely for a second or two before he gave a gasp and looked down in horror at his arm
“What…Um…I…What?” He breathed and Jun groaned a little grabbing a towel from the side and wrapping it tightly around the wound.
“Come on…” He growled tugging him out of the bathroom and into the kitchen flicking on the light with his elbow as he went. Nino had no choice but to trial after him his head down as large fat tears rolled down his cheeks and eventually off the end of his chin and Jun wanted to shout, scream, and hug him all at once but more than anything he wanted to treat his arm. Once over the kitchen sink he carefully removed the towel apologising gently were the fabric stuck to the drying blood. He was relieved to see that most of the cuts were superficial in spite of how bad they looked but one in the centre of his arm looked painful and it was bleeding profusely, crimson blood dribbling down to the floor “You’re going to have to go to hospital…”
“I don’t want to…” Nino whined through his tears trying to pull his hand away but Jun held it tightly grabbing his hand and holding it steady.
“I don’t care what you do or don’t want…You have to…This cut is deep…” Jun growled eying the slit in his friends arm glad that he wasn’t wearing his glasses so he couldn’t see it properly. It was deeper than he could ever have thought possible running down the centre of his forearm. It wasn’t the kind of thing that was going to be covered up very easily and unlike the others he didn’t think that butterfly stitches would hold it together. “Kazu…Why…”
“I…I don’t know…I…You...I felt fine…” Nino spluttered crying again as he winced allowing Jun to carefully clean the various wounds with medical alcohol “When we were out I felt completely fine…Happy…Arashi…They had accepted it…They…Were being supportive…But…When we came back…You fell asleep and I…The stuff in my head…I…I…”
“…Kazu…” Jun mumbled not knowing what to say as he gently wiped the blood away from the major cut biting on his bottom lip when Nino gave a hiss of pain more blood coming out. “We have to go to the hospital…Now…”
“But…”
“No buts…Come on…” Jun wrapped another towel tightly around the cut and dragging him to the exit of the apartment not caring that neither of them were dressed for going out. He did manage to pull their coats and shoes out but other than that he barely stopped until they got to his car. “Hold your arm up over your head…”
“Jun…”
“Just do it…” Jun growled back starting up the car and heading out onto the roads. He had long gotten used to the fact that his area of Tokyo never seemed to sleep. Even this late at night there seemed to be 100’s of people milling around and there were a lot of cars on the road but still the trip to the hospital would have felt long even if the road was empty. A few times Nino tried to speak but only a few muffled syllables reached his ears and then he fell into silence his hand up against the window with blood staining the bandage that he had placed around it.
The hospital was thankfully empty when they arrived and they were greeted by a nurse who took one look at Nino’s arm and led them into a small room that smelt strongly of disinfectant. Jun stood with his back against the wall and his arms folded over his chest chewing on his tongue as watched the careful stitches being placed into the soft arm. He wasn’t sure what he was meant to think at that point, earlier he had thought that they were making great steps forward but now it felt that everything up until this point had been a big fat lie. Nino seemed to be completely shell shocked now and was staring at a dripping tap on the far wall with almost the same glassy expression that he had seen in the bathroom. Jun’s heart twisted inside his chest and tears came unbidden to his eyes. He wanted to crouch on the floor and just scream as he held himself but he knew that now more than ever Nino needed him to be strong.
“Matsumoto-san…I’m finished…I am going to get a doctor to come and prescribe some pain medication but…I…I also think that Ninomiya-san should be kept in overnight for observation…” The nurse hummed softly coming to stand in front of him with a worried look in her eye and Jun forced himself to smile as he rubbed the back of his head with his fingertips humming gently;
“…Nino is already under a doctor, I’ll contact him tomorrow morning…”
“I…if you are sure, Matsumoto-san…I don’t think…”
“I am here you know…” Nino muttered from the gurney he was sat on. His voice sounded hallow and devoid of all life and Jun was desperate to know what thought had gotten into his boyfriends head to make him do something so stupid when just a few hours ago everything had felt perfect.
“Yeah, well stupid people don’t get to talk…” Jun mumbled rubbing his eyes and then bridge of his nose before sighing “Nurse…Could you leave us for a moment?”
“Ah…yes…I will go and see if I can find a doctor…” She said with a nod hurrying out of the room and closing the door with a click. Jun stared at the hunched over form of his lover for several long minutes before crossing the room and sitting behind him on the bed. Wordlessly his wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him back against his chest his mouth nuzzling in to the join of his neck and shoulder whispering;
“Why? Please tell me why…”
“I dunno…”
“Kazu…You already told me that there were thoughts in your head…What kind of thoughts…? Please…Talk to me…”
“I was so happy tonight…Everything…It was perfect…Better than perfect…Better than I ever dreamed…” Nino mumbled his voice muffled against him and Jun tried to find the connection to that and what had happened with his arm and the razor.
“Okay…So that made you…”
“No…I…I…You…I’m not meant to have you…I’m not meant to have this…One day you’re going to wake up and realise that I’m not a woman…That you were only doing this because you feel sorry for me…”
“Kazu…I know that you’re not a woman…And I couldn’t feel sorry for anyone enough that I wanted to date them…I love you…”
“Yeah? It’s easy for you to say that when you don’t even want to have sex with me…”
TBC
A/N: Nino’s head is messed up I apologise…>.< I sort of based this on the pictures we saw of Nino with his cut arm I suppose it also dates this story sorta…I hope that this was okay.
Jun yawned rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand surprised to feel that the left side of his body wasn’t numb like it normally was and there was no head resting on his chest. He lifted his head and looked around surprised to see that his lover wasn’t in the bedroom with him. Yawning again he pushed himself into a seated position and headed out of the room cursing a little as he tried to warm his arms up from the cold. He didn’t have his glasses on so he stumbled around a little in the semi-darkness swearing as his big toe hit the corner of the room.
“Kazu?” He called out in a strangely quiet voice the sound sounding completely foreign in the stillness of the apartment. A noise from the bathroom drew his attention and he paused at the door wondering if his lover had simply been using the toilet. A few minutes went by but there was no sound of flushing so he placed a hand on the cold wood and pushed the door open with another whispered “Kazu?” Nino was standing in the middle of the bathroom, his eyes open but glassy and his mouth was slack. In his hand was a switchblade razor and on the opposite arm was were cuts that ranged from deep to shallow with deep red blood running down his arm. It only took a second for Jun to process the scene in front of him but it honestly felt like a lifetime before he had moved and was pulling the razor out of his hand. “Kazu…What the fuck?” He snapped at the blade fell to the floor. He stared into the pale face watching as the eyes came back into focus staring at him widely for a second or two before he gave a gasp and looked down in horror at his arm
“What…Um…I…What?” He breathed and Jun groaned a little grabbing a towel from the side and wrapping it tightly around the wound.
“Come on…” He growled tugging him out of the bathroom and into the kitchen flicking on the light with his elbow as he went. Nino had no choice but to trial after him his head down as large fat tears rolled down his cheeks and eventually off the end of his chin and Jun wanted to shout, scream, and hug him all at once but more than anything he wanted to treat his arm. Once over the kitchen sink he carefully removed the towel apologising gently were the fabric stuck to the drying blood. He was relieved to see that most of the cuts were superficial in spite of how bad they looked but one in the centre of his arm looked painful and it was bleeding profusely, crimson blood dribbling down to the floor “You’re going to have to go to hospital…”
“I don’t want to…” Nino whined through his tears trying to pull his hand away but Jun held it tightly grabbing his hand and holding it steady.
“I don’t care what you do or don’t want…You have to…This cut is deep…” Jun growled eying the slit in his friends arm glad that he wasn’t wearing his glasses so he couldn’t see it properly. It was deeper than he could ever have thought possible running down the centre of his forearm. It wasn’t the kind of thing that was going to be covered up very easily and unlike the others he didn’t think that butterfly stitches would hold it together. “Kazu…Why…”
“I…I don’t know…I…You...I felt fine…” Nino spluttered crying again as he winced allowing Jun to carefully clean the various wounds with medical alcohol “When we were out I felt completely fine…Happy…Arashi…They had accepted it…They…Were being supportive…But…When we came back…You fell asleep and I…The stuff in my head…I…I…”
“…Kazu…” Jun mumbled not knowing what to say as he gently wiped the blood away from the major cut biting on his bottom lip when Nino gave a hiss of pain more blood coming out. “We have to go to the hospital…Now…”
“But…”
“No buts…Come on…” Jun wrapped another towel tightly around the cut and dragging him to the exit of the apartment not caring that neither of them were dressed for going out. He did manage to pull their coats and shoes out but other than that he barely stopped until they got to his car. “Hold your arm up over your head…”
“Jun…”
“Just do it…” Jun growled back starting up the car and heading out onto the roads. He had long gotten used to the fact that his area of Tokyo never seemed to sleep. Even this late at night there seemed to be 100’s of people milling around and there were a lot of cars on the road but still the trip to the hospital would have felt long even if the road was empty. A few times Nino tried to speak but only a few muffled syllables reached his ears and then he fell into silence his hand up against the window with blood staining the bandage that he had placed around it.
The hospital was thankfully empty when they arrived and they were greeted by a nurse who took one look at Nino’s arm and led them into a small room that smelt strongly of disinfectant. Jun stood with his back against the wall and his arms folded over his chest chewing on his tongue as watched the careful stitches being placed into the soft arm. He wasn’t sure what he was meant to think at that point, earlier he had thought that they were making great steps forward but now it felt that everything up until this point had been a big fat lie. Nino seemed to be completely shell shocked now and was staring at a dripping tap on the far wall with almost the same glassy expression that he had seen in the bathroom. Jun’s heart twisted inside his chest and tears came unbidden to his eyes. He wanted to crouch on the floor and just scream as he held himself but he knew that now more than ever Nino needed him to be strong.
“Matsumoto-san…I’m finished…I am going to get a doctor to come and prescribe some pain medication but…I…I also think that Ninomiya-san should be kept in overnight for observation…” The nurse hummed softly coming to stand in front of him with a worried look in her eye and Jun forced himself to smile as he rubbed the back of his head with his fingertips humming gently;
“…Nino is already under a doctor, I’ll contact him tomorrow morning…”
“I…if you are sure, Matsumoto-san…I don’t think…”
“I am here you know…” Nino muttered from the gurney he was sat on. His voice sounded hallow and devoid of all life and Jun was desperate to know what thought had gotten into his boyfriends head to make him do something so stupid when just a few hours ago everything had felt perfect.
“Yeah, well stupid people don’t get to talk…” Jun mumbled rubbing his eyes and then bridge of his nose before sighing “Nurse…Could you leave us for a moment?”
“Ah…yes…I will go and see if I can find a doctor…” She said with a nod hurrying out of the room and closing the door with a click. Jun stared at the hunched over form of his lover for several long minutes before crossing the room and sitting behind him on the bed. Wordlessly his wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him back against his chest his mouth nuzzling in to the join of his neck and shoulder whispering;
“Why? Please tell me why…”
“I dunno…”
“Kazu…You already told me that there were thoughts in your head…What kind of thoughts…? Please…Talk to me…”
“I was so happy tonight…Everything…It was perfect…Better than perfect…Better than I ever dreamed…” Nino mumbled his voice muffled against him and Jun tried to find the connection to that and what had happened with his arm and the razor.
“Okay…So that made you…”
“No…I…I…You…I’m not meant to have you…I’m not meant to have this…One day you’re going to wake up and realise that I’m not a woman…That you were only doing this because you feel sorry for me…”
“Kazu…I know that you’re not a woman…And I couldn’t feel sorry for anyone enough that I wanted to date them…I love you…”
“Yeah? It’s easy for you to say that when you don’t even want to have sex with me…”
TBC
A/N: Nino’s head is messed up I apologise…>.< I sort of based this on the pictures we saw of Nino with his cut arm I suppose it also dates this story sorta…I hope that this was okay.
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