The Reason part 2 of 4

[krystalkatz.livejournal.com]

“So to what do I owe the pleasure?” Matsumoto Jun asked sitting regally in his chair with his two year old son bouncing up and down on his lap. The baby looked more like his mother something that Nino always teased Jun that it was a good thing. Theirs was a strange friendship, they hadn’t been able to stand each other when Ohno was alive but after his funeral they hadn’t been able to separate both lost in the grief Nino more so than Jun and he had needed him to keep him together. The best that he could anyway. Nino sat awkwardly in the chair staring at the handsome face that had changed little since the intervening years and he gave an almost nervous smile his voice getting stuck in his throat before he managed to say;

“I think I’m in love with Sho…”

“…Really?” Jun asked with a raised eyebrow and Nino nodded tensing as he waited for Jun to get angry with him for betraying his friend. That didn’t happen though, a hand warm and gentle darted out and closed around his giving the fingers a squeeze “I’m glad…” Jun smiled sincerely his eyes shining with that warmth Ohno would talk about but he had never seen until after the man’s death. “Satoshi would be happy too…”

“Would he? Would he really?” Nino whispered his body slumping with relief glad that Jun’s hand moved away wrapping securely around his son who had started to wriggle around trying to get to his uncle Nino.

“No…In his heart he would wish that he was him…But as he can’t be there then yes he would want you to be happy…I’ve always told you that, how long have you been with Sakurai-San now?”

“8 years…”

“8 years and you’ve never introduced him to me?” Jun hummed with more amusement than actual disappointment as he bounced Sato up and down on his lap. Nino gave a small shrug knowing that it didn’t matter any way. Jun and Sho had worked in the same building together, back when Jun was working his way through college, it had been in completely different offices but they had met once or twice in the coffee room or something. It had been Jun that had twisted Nino’s arm into going on a date with Sho at first. Sho had made some passing remark about fancying him or something and Jun had leapt at the chance to butter up his superior and help his friend at the same time. Sho was as different from Ohno as anyone could be and, during that first date, Nino had told himself that he wouldn’t agree to a second. “So…Have you even told him that you love him?”

“No…I…I can’t…Couldn’t…I…” Nino mumbled unable to find the right words and Jun’s eyes were filled with understanding but he managed to scoff out a berating;

“You really are a brat…That poor guy! He was hopeless over you even before you started dating…”

Nino smiled a little, giving a tiny nod, he had known all along that Sho loved him. There was no question of that right from their first date. As soon as Nino had seen him he had thought that he was the ‘for life’ dependable sort who wouldn’t even know the meaning of infidelity. He had been 100% right. Their first date had been super awkward with all shy smiles and ‘not’ touching. It had only been a year to the month since Ohno had died and Nino had been feeling super weak or he wouldn’t have agreed to the date in the first place. Sho had been so nice that he had needed that and he clung to it soaking it all up and never giving it back because he was stuck frozen in time lost in the memory of a dead man. His smile fell away and his eyes moved over to the photo on the mantelpiece. It was a photo of Ohno and Jun back when they were in school dressed in their matching light blue uniforms. The smile on his former lover’s face cut into his heart and his voice was shaky when he asked;

“…Did Satoshi ever tell you that he loved me?”

“…No…But I know that he did…” Jun told him before adding very pointedly “You know that he did…”

“I know…But just once I would have wanted him to say it…Just one time...I’m still waiting to hear that…”

“You’re never going to hear it…He’s dead, Kazu…” Jun was blunt but Nino knew that he was trying to help him and the words didn’t hurt as much as they used to. He let out a sigh his fingers moving through his hair smiling at the little boy who had started to tug at his dad’s t-shirt.

“I know that he’s gone…but…”

“No ‘but’s’ I know that it still hurts and it always will but he’s dead and you have to move on…He would want that for you…And…You said that you’re in love with somebody else…”

“…I said that I think…” Nino mumbled and Jun rolled his eyes, the scowl on his face giving Nino the impression that he would have been hit and hard if they were alone and he was glad that his godson was there to add some form of protection from his friend’s attacks.

“Kazu…You are just as frustrating as Satoshi, I told him time and time again that he should just tell you that...But he never did…” Jun sighed pulling his t-shirt down when Sato was exposing his belly button and the faint trail of hairs up from below his trousers. “And now here you are making the same mistake…What happens if you’re hit by a car tomorrow…? Don’t you think that Sho would be in the same position you are always wondering and hoping that you loved him? Do you think that’s fair?”

“No…Of course I don’t but…”

“I told you ‘No buts’ you came here for me to tell you how I see it didn’t you?” Jun said harshly and Nino sank down nodded slowly, that was exactly why he had come here, Jun was blunt to almost the point of rudeness when it came to him but he always spoke sense and made him feel as if he was able to see the forest through the trees. Jun beamed at the answer his hand moving up his baby’s back “So listen…I know that you loved Satoshi, but just because you love somebody else doesn’t mean that you’re going to forget him…In fact you’d be honouring him more because you’re doing what he wanted for you, all he wanted was for you to live your life and be happy...Moping around like you have been doing for the last 9 years…I was really happy when I found out that you were going out with Sakurai-san and then again when I heard you were living with him but…You always have to complicate things…”

“…I always think that if he told me that he loved me…I think that I might have been able to move on…” Nino sighed knowing that everything Jun had just told him was the truth that he might not have wanted to hear but he needed to hear it. Jun gave a laugh nuzzling to Sato’s head as the boy fell to sleep his eyes on the picture on the mantelpiece a fond look in his eyes as he nodded and agreed with a light hum;

“…Maybe but Satoshi never did things easily…You have never been back to see his parents have you?”

“No…Not since…The funeral…” Nino admitted, he felt bad but there was no way that he could bring himself to visit to the point that he ignored all calls. He had told himself that he would go next month but somehow time had slipped away from him and now it was almost a decade later and he hadn’t even picked up a phone, he doubted very much that they would welcome him with open arms.

“Go…Take Sakurai-san with you…” The other man said and Nino was sure that his gasp was as loud as a shout “Trust me…They’re still in the same house and I know that they still ask after you…They’d be happy to see you…”

“But…” Nino started stopping at the half glare his friend gave him his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down and he gave him a slightly apologetic smile.

“I told you, no buts…For once in your life go with your gut feeling and don’t over think this…”

“Okay…Okay…I promise that I will…”

“Good…Trust me Kazu, if you’ve found a reason to be happy don’t let it go…”

TBC

A/N: *Whistles loudly* Next part is the last…Jun didn’t seem to want to stop talking >.< I really hope that this is okay ^_^