http://krystalkatz.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] krystalkatz.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] krystalkatzficz2014-01-18 10:37 am

I wanted to marry you part 4

Sho watched the look of panic that raced and swirled around on Masaki’s beautiful face. It was a painful sight to him as he had always hated to see Masaki suffering, his was a face that was built for laughter and smiles. He’d always thought so, but right now he was angrier than he had ever been and there was no way that he could just let this go. Masaki’s face cleared though and he fixed him with a proud stare;

“…They’re mine…”

“Mine as well…” Sho put in quickly and then waited a few minutes for Masaki to deny it. To his amazement he didn’t he just continued to stare at him with a steady and surprisingly strong expression in his face. There were signs of age in his face now, more than there should have been in a man of only 27 as he was now, it around his eyes and lips. More than likely caused by sleepless nights filled with worry and crying babies, Sho could see it all but it didn’t change the fact that it was still the most beautiful face he had ever seen and they were the most expressive eyes. Those eyes told him that Masaki’s worry had never left him, it was still there now. He would have put it down to worry about his son but it was too deep rooted for that. “I see that there’s no point in denying it…The boy has my eyes…and you named the girl after me…God, Masaki, all these years and I never once thought that you would be so selfish, so thoughtless…”

“Selfish? Thoughtless?” I was 16 when I had them you were only 18…You had your family, your life all mapped out…I couldn’t take that away…You were going to college and was going to be a doctor…You are a doctor…” Masaki whispered his hands waving around at the office that they were in like it was a justification for all the years of hurt and worry that he had left him in.

“I didn’t care about any of that…I would have given it all up for you…” Sho almost growled out his fists clenching at his sides gripping the suit he was wearing and wrinkling the fabric between his fingers trying desperately not to get mad even though he was “I wanted to marry you and I thought that’s what you wanted too…But I guess that I was wrong…”

"Sho-chan...I loved you..." Masaki said and Sho flinched at the term ‘loved’ the past tense he should have realised of course but it was a painful kick to the stomach and he gave a tight smile.

"Just not enough it seems...” He muttered before almost collapsing as he pinched his nose rubbing the arch of her nose before admitting “I have never stopped looking for you...Not even once..."

"Sho-chan...I'm sorry, I really am..." Masaki whispered and Sho looked up to watch his ex-boyfriend’s face crumbling quickly. Sho relaxed going over to the small cooling cupboard that was in the corner of the office. It was mostly filled with water and energy drinks but right at the back there was a bottle of whiskey, a reminder of his father, his hand hovered over it for a moment his fingers just touching the gold cap before pulling his hand away. There was no way that he was going down that route. He had never relied on the drink and he wouldn’t do so now that he found Masaki again and knew he had children.

"Do you think an apology is what I want to hear right now?” He asked grabbing a bottle of black current energy and then turning around to look at him again. Masaki shuffled around on his chair under his gave his cheeks flushing a little. “Why? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was going to, I even went to your house…But then I met your father and mother…” Masaki broke off for a minute or too when Sho let out a loud beast like growl he’d known his parents had had something to do with it. “They took me into your father’s office and they…They knew…About the twins…Or at least they knew that I was pregnant…”

“How?” Sho asked and Masaki sighed his hand moving absently through his hair as his eyes moved around the room. They were distant like he wasn’t see the room as it was now but something in the past. His tongue moved over his bruised bottom lip a few times before he answered;

“I came here, I just thought I was sick…They ran all sorts of tests on me and they couldn’t find out what was wrong until your dad suggested that we do a male pregnancy test…Honestly Sho-chan, I didn’t think that I could be pregnant…I know that you always thought that I was one of the special ones but I didn’t think that I was that lucky…But…But then…It was positive very clearly positive…”

“And your first thought wasn’t to tell me?” Sho asked as he went back to his desk and sat down his legs crossing the bottle resting against his chest as he once again stared at Masaki who immediately gave a hiss and rose to his feet pacing around his hand moving nervously against each other.

“It was! Remember I phoned you and told you to meet me at your house! I phoned you as soon as I left this place…From the pay phone that was across the street…” He told him and Sho could remember that phone call, of course he could he was the last time he had heard Masaki speaking to him. He could remember every word of it as plain as day. ‘Sho-chan, will you meet me you your house? There’s something that I need to talk to you about…Please…I love you…’ A simple conversation and Sho had always assumed that he was going to break up with him but he hadn’t. He hadn’t even shown up, Sho had waited for him for hours ringing the phone to the home he lived in but there wasn’t an answer.

“What did they say to you? Why did you run?” Sho asked pulling his mind away from his memories to focus on the present day Masaki who had stopped pacing now and was holding himself tightly around the stomach as if he was still protecting a life that was inside of it or himself. Either option chipped away at Sho’s anger making him want to stride over and pull him into a tight hug and never let him go.

“…They…Your dad threatened that they would…Take the baby from me…If I stayed around…They would…Ki-…But if I left they would look after me…” Masaki broke off his voice trembling as tears collected in his eyes and Sho’s blood ran cold his anger and hate increasing towards his parents. “…I was so scared, Sho-chan…So I ran away…I…Took the money and I left…I’m so sorry Sho-chan…”

“I would have protected you…” Sho whispered somehow doubting the truth of his words. What could he have done then? He was just a kid himself, regardless of his bold words and sentiments they would have had nothing but each other, two kids and a mountain of debt they would never have been able to get free from.

“You would have been penniless and cut off from your family…We were just kids Sho-chan…You would have resented me…”

“Well you were right about that…” Sho muttered darkly and got a sick sense of pleasure when Masaki flinched at his words. Yes he could understand it logically and even, in his brain at least, accept that it had been the right thing for him to do but his heart was still breaking and he whispered. “So you chose money over me…”

“I chose our children over you…You would have done the same thing and if you wouldn’t than I…You weren’t the man that I thought you were…” Masaki snapped back and Sho knew that it was the truth he could see it there shining in his ex’s eyes along with self-loathing and doubt “But yes I took the money…”

“Masaki…I…” Sho stopped breathing deep and squishing down his emotions, right now they both needed time to recall and collect themselves. Patience was something that he had learned in the ten years they had been apart he could use it now. Getting back to his feet he put the bottle onto the desk and smiled his fingers brushing through his hair “I guess I should take you and Jun-kun home…”

“Huh…What?” Masaki choked looking bewildered and disorientated by his change and Sho took a few steps over to him reaching out he brushed his fingers over his hand. It was as much contact as he dared to have and he quickly pulled his hand away

“I still wish you would have told me…But…I can understand the reasons that you didn’t…Masaki I’m not asking you to let me into your life again I don’t want that” He lied forcing himself to think about the small tanned man he had seen Masaki looking so happy with. If Masaki had found that kind of happiness he wouldn’t ruin it, even if it hurt him “But the children…Please…Even if I’m only known as uncle Sho…I want to know them…”

TBC
A/N: I really hope that this is okay ^_^

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