krystalkatzficz | D-wing part 21 (Reply)

Nino lay on his side in Satoshi’s bed with his arm curled under his head watching the older man sleep. He had slept himself a little but now he was feeling refreshed though his body ached dully around his hips and his buttocks. That was to be expected however and he was amusing himself by watching Satoshi’s lips purse and his eyelids flutter back and forth. Jun had told him that he hated being asleep while somebody else was awake as he felt as though he needed to be on guard and Nino wondered if he was the only one that got to watch the criminal sleeping like this.

He rather hoped so as it was somehow special. There was a faint scar on Satoshi’s cheek and up above his right eyebrow that he hadn’t noticed before and he wondered where he had gotten them. He couldn’t recognise them as easily as he could the knife wounds on his stomach and leg. They did seem to be the same age though and he was tempted to stroke them but he didn’t want to ruin the moment and wake Satoshi from his dreams.

Continuing to watch while listening to the soft breathing Nino allowed himself to think. Satoshi had told him he loved him, he hadn’t done that before. He had told him that he wanted him, that he felt things for him he had never felt for somebody else, but hearing the words were a startling realisation. He didn’t know what his own feelings were. He liked Satoshi, he liked him a lot in fact, but he didn’t know if it was love. He didn’t even know if he was allowed to love, if he deserved it. He didn’t think he did, his crime could never be forgotten, he had taken a life and ripped apart a family.

“You’re thinking very loud” Satoshi hummed opening one eye and looking at him and Nino blinked slowly surprised that the man had woken. He was sure he hadn’t said anything out loud. “Your breathing hitched, in the way it does when you’re about to...Not cry...”

“You were asleep, how can you know what my breathing did?”

“Easily, I am a light sleeper, and I am always aware of you. I also had a feeling that dark thoughts would come to you...” Satoshi answered honestly moving so that he could wrap one arm around his body and draw him into a hug. Nino was soon pressed against his chest and he allowed his eyes to close and his body to relax a fraction. “I don’t know what you’re feeling. Not because I cannot empathise like some would have you believe but because I am not you and I don’t know what you’re going through. You are a good person, Ninomiya Kazunari, if there was anyway you could have prevented it you would...”

“I could have not stolen the car...”

“True, but you didn’t know that he would step out of the shop and into your path. You have stolen cars before without incident, a few minutes before or after it would have been as uneventful as all those times before. I am not saying that it is your fault, but I am saying that one day you will need to accept that a million and one things could have happened that night...” Satoshi whispered into his hair and although Nino could think of somethings that he wanted to say Satoshi continued quickly his fingers tracing the line of his spine. “In a way, I am glad that it happened the way that it did. Not because I got to meet you, although that is a happy bonus but because it could have been much worse”

“Worse? How could it have been worse?”

“You could have not hit him. Got away like all the times before and thought nothing of it. The next time you stole a car you could have caused a bigger accident, the man you hit may have been driving his children to school and you caused him to plough into a wall” Nino pushed himself away from Satoshi at those words his eyes filling with prickling hot tears but Satoshi had a kind smile on his face and his fingers moved gently over his skin. “This way...You didn’t. You learnt from your actions, you are a perfect example of what can happen...You thought you were just stealing a car. In your mind it was no big deal, the owner would get its worth back on insurance, if not more, instead you killed a man. I’m not saying this to hurt you, I am saying this so that you will see that you have the perfect opportunity to educate others, you could make a difference, save more lives. You could make sure that the man’s death meant something, that his life wasn’t wasted over a takeaway...”

“How...How can I do...” Nino whispered a blinding flash of light coming on behind his eyes. Guilt was still there but now he wanted to do what Satoshi had suggested. Maybe he could stop another kid from making the same mistakes he did. He didn’t really care about the punks that were doing the crimes but the people affected afterwards. Maybe that was something that he could do.

“The scared straight programme, I think that you should volunteer”

“They only take two prisoners...” Nino pointed out but Satoshi shrugged and smirked his eyebrows twitching up and down as he murmured lightly;

“They will take you, if you ask”

“You mean you would threaten them?” Nino mumbled drily and Satoshi let out a warm chuckle that went straight to the base of Nino’s heart before he answered with an honest sounding;

“Nope, if you told Guard Sakurai what you wanted to do he would accept you in a heartbeat”

“It still doesn’t change the fact that they only take two and I can’t take Masaki’s place. He loves doing it” Nino sighed feeling defeated but Satoshi pulled him into another hug kissing him on the forehead as he mumbled;

“Ask Guard Sakurai. If he tells you no, I will threaten somebody, but I think that it will be good for you...For your healing”

“I thought you were a criminal, you’re not meant to worry about peoples healing, soon you will be telling me that I should write to the family...”

“I think you should. It won’t change anything, but the least you could do is explain to them that it was an accident and that you are deeply sorry. I know that you’re not ready for that however, and in truth I don’t think they would even read such a letter, but when you get on the programme, I think you should write to them and explain what you are doing and that you hope that it will prevent tragedies in the future” Satoshi told him softly his voice muffled against his hair and Nino swallowed a thick lump which did nothing to stem the tears that were rolling down his cheeks and the way his body shook as Satoshi held him. “Nothing will make him come back, but next year somebody may be alive that wouldn’t have been because of you...”

TBC

A/N: Does this suck? Sorry >.<