krystalkatzficz | It's not pity part 3 (Reply)

“Nii...” Kazu whispered awkwardly his whole body freezing at Sho’s words. He couldn’t mean what it sounded like, he couldn’t that wasn’t possible. Yet, Sho’s arms were still wrapped securely around his and he could feel the pounding of the man’s heart through his back. It was almost as fast as his own was and he wanted to cry.

“Sho, call me Sho” Sho whispered against his ear and Kazu tried his best not to shiver at the tone or the fact that his lips were against his ear. He had dreamt about this so much, for so long that he couldn’t keep it together though and he closed his eyes tightly and screwed his fists into tight balls. “Come home, I think we need to talk and we can’t do it here...”

“N...Sho...” Kazu tried again but Sho’s arms tightened and he gave a reluctant little nod and then gathered his books and pens. Sho’s arms moved from around him and Kazu suddenly felt very cold and lonely. He put his things into his satchel and stood up finding it impossible to look at his brother. It felt as though if he did the bubble would burst and he would end up seeing hate and disgust. Sho’s hand brushed against his own as they moved through the library and Kazu could tell that it wasn’t all together accidental. The knuckles always lingered a little too long for that and they happened to frequently.

Kazu wished that he could make idle conversation, to distract them both from the frantic pounding of their hearts but it was no good. Instead he walked in silence through the campus and then to the train station. Their apartment was only two stops away from the campus but it felt like the worlds longest train journey. He still hadn’t managed to look directly at Sho and through the reflections in the darkened trained windows he couldn’t see his expression.

Feeling almost like a man walking the last walk to his death he focused his attention on the floor his shoulders hunched and his heart dancing somewhere in the back of his throat. Sho unlocked the door of their ground floor apartment and then stood to one side allowing him to go in first. With great difficulty Kazu removed his shoes and slipped into his house slippers. The silence of the apartment was almost deafening and he jumped when Sho finally spoke.

“Kazu...Look at me...Please...”

“I can’t...” Kazu admitted trying his best not to sound too scared but he squeaked when Sho’s hand came to rest under his chin and then his head was tilted back. On instinct his eyes closed but Sho’s warm chuckle allowed him courage enough to open them. Sho looked as handsome as ever but Kazu noted that his face had an ashen tinge to it and he looked as nervous as he felt. His lips, a complete difference to his own thin ones, looked even more swollen and Kazu guessed that he had been chewing on them during their time coming home. His hand stayed on his face, his thumb moving gently over his chin and then up to his lips and Kazu shivered more violently than he meant. “Sho...”

“Kazu...I love you, in a way that I shouldn’t love my brother. I was never going to tell you but...If you feel the same...Then I don’t think I can not tell you...” Sho said softly his voice trembling just enough that Kazu knew that he was serious and Kazu swallowed a rather painfully thick lump before he looked down at his feet again.

“I love you too...I know that I shouldn’t, I know that it’s wrong...It’s gross and disgusting...But...Don’t hate me, please...”

“I could never hate you, Kazu...” Sho told him before crushing him into a hug. Kazu felt tears collect in his eyes as he wrapped his own arms around Sho’s strong hard waist and held him just as tightly. Sho’s mouth and nose pressed into his hair nuzzling him gently before he once again tilted his head upwards and claimed his mouth in a slow and barely there kiss. Kazu blinked for a moment and then moaned allowing Sho more access to his mouth. It was wrong, he knew that it was, this was his brother but it felt...The opposite of wrong, it felt right...Perfect even. Sho’s lips were warm against his, his teeth lightly nipping at his lower lip before his tongue demanded an entrance. Kazu had never kissed anyone before but he was more than happy to allow Sho to do what he wanted.

“Un...” He moaned before flushing at the sound of his own voice. His cock was hard and aching in his trousers and from the lump that was pressed against him Sho was in the same state. Still kissing his brother Kazu found himself being walked backwards towards Sho’s bedroom. He had never been in there, not even to take in clothes as he hadn’t trusted himself but now he was eager.

The room was a little bigger than his own, with a computer desk and some small gym equipment his father...Their father had given to him as a sign of pride at his sporting prowess. Kazu hadn’t gotten anything, his father had always thought him as too much of a mama’s boy to spend much time getting to know and Kazu didn’t mind. Though he was terrified of what he would say if he knew...The thought was almost enough to make him lose his erection but Sho gently pushing him back onto the bed while somehow managing to strip him kept himself firmly saluting.

“You are so beautiful...” Sho told him as soon as he was down to his underwear and Kazu was more than positive that that statement should have sounded corny or wrong but it didn’t. It did however cause his entire body to flush and his eyes to partially close as he started to pout.

“You...Show me you...Sho...” He demanded and Sho was more than ready to comply he pulled his clothes from his body and then dropped them into a heap at the bottom of the bed. He was perfect, as perfect as Kazu remembered from that day on the beach and unlike that day on the beach he allowed himself to reach out a hand and run it over the muscles and then over the belly piercing. It twinkled in the dim lights of Sho’s room and Kazu gave a smile. He looked coyly up at Sho embarrassed as he caught the aroused look that was in his eyes.

“Kazu...If we continue...We can never go back...We will never be the way we were...” Sho told him and Kazu gave a nod his smile slipping away as he thought about the seriousness of the moment and what they were about to do. He wanted to say that they couldn’t go back already, they had said too much, done too much, but he knew they hadn’t tipped over the threshold yet but that moment was about to happen. He didn’t want anything else.

“I understand...I want...I want you, Sho...I need...I need you...” He said and Sho nodded and then leaned forward kissing him again. His body was slim but it was so much bigger than his own and it felt like hot silk against his as his chest met his own and Kazu moaned into the kiss letting himself be swept away knowing that they would have to worry about it in the morning but Sho was right, they could never go back.

TBC

A/N: I hope that this is okay >.<...I said three...But...Um...You’re okay with another part...Or two...Right...>.<